Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
your room smells of hookers.
And success
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Randomize
