eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
