are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
