oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
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You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
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Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.