I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.