apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Randomize
