Texts From Last Night

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  (328): View more from

  im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?

  (1-328): View more from

  anal.

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  (328): im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is? (1-328): anal. http://tfl.nu/bglg
  Replies (33) Good night (5806) Bad night (1487)
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  (520): View more from Arizona

  hahaha! you have a girlfriend

  (1-520): View more from Arizona

  tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...

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  (520): hahaha! you have a girlfriend (1-520): tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today... http://tfl.nu/4wx1
  Replies (20) Good night (4397) Bad night (1352)
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  (314): View more from Missouri

  Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho

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  (314): Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho http://tfl.nu/t3tj
  Replies (11) Good night (3896) Bad night (1224)
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  (425): View more from Washington

  well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..

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  (425): well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now.. http://tfl.nu/77ss
  Replies (10) Good night (1027) Bad night (1822)
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  (773): View more from Illinois

  His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.

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  (773): His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant. http://tfl.nu/ofzk
  Replies (24) Good night (2080) Bad night (4026)
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  (705): View more from Ontario

  Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.

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  (705): Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences. http://tfl.nu/318s
  Replies (2) Good night (2265) Bad night (798)
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  (407): View more from Florida

  I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.

  (904): View more from Florida

  Yeah he's good at that.

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  (407): I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts. (904): Yeah he's good at that. http://tfl.nu/ekc4
  Replies (5) Good night (770) Bad night (1489)
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  (406): View more from Montana

  sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.

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  (406): sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of. http://tfl.nu/ki5k
  Replies (5) Good night (1574) Bad night (788)
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  (954): View more from Florida

  My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??

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  (954): My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted?? http://tfl.nu/5rk7
  Replies (7) Good night (1875) Bad night (469)
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us

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  (303): They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us http://tfl.nu/8tzs
  Replies (11) Good night (972) Bad night (1561)
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  (352): View more from Florida

  I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...

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  (352): I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection... http://tfl.nu/jbgn
  Replies (20) Good night (1878) Bad night (614)
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  (248): View more from Michigan

  We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.

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  (248): We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on. http://tfl.nu/3utl
  Replies (2) Good night (1849) Bad night (797)
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  (913): View more from Kansas

  The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?

  (1-913): View more from Kansas

  Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....

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  (913): The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean? (1-913): Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy..... http://tfl.nu/mjqc
  Replies (1) Good night (452) Bad night (262)
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  (585): View more from New York

  I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.

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  (585): I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis. http://tfl.nu/v0yv
  Replies (1) Good night (301) Bad night (485)
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  (770): View more from Georgia

  Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.

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  (770): Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money. http://tfl.nu/gg7b
  Replies (1) Good night (219) Bad night (74)

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