The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!