I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
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Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
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I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
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