he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
25 People Confess The Most Ignorant Thing Someone Has Ever Said To Them
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman