I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize