I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
How does one acquire holy water?
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
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