Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
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