Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
