someone threw a dead crab at me
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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