Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
