I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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