Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
P.S. I can't hear my feet
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize