he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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