haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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