just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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