i permit you to call me
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
