WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Randomize
