i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
