Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
