he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Randomize
