I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
