Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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