just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
