I puked a lego.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize