Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
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