Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
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