lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
