Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
