You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
