i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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