we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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