I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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