Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
