thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Randomize
