Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Randomize
