and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
