sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
