Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
