but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
