You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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