not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
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