Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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