Where did you get a picture of my penis
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Randomize
