I faked an abortion last night.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Randomize
