At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
