I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I want to fling myself into the sun
how drunk are you?
Several
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Randomize
