My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
