Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Still dying that you shit outside
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Randomize
