there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
a search helicopter?!
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
