So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I am naked and annoyed.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
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