Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
