Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Little spoons don't ask big questions
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
