No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
