He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
