i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
