M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Randomize
