So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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