Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(305): View more from Florida

If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?

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(305): If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me? http://tfl.nu/0xff

Replies (13) Good night (640) Bad night (2161)
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(612): View more from Minnesota

I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.

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(612): I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick. http://tfl.nu/mxvd

Replies (10) Good night (1016) Bad night (2989)
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(418): View more from Quebec

I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out

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(418): I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out http://tfl.nu/dee8

Replies (7) Good night (3454) Bad night (1766)
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(508): View more from Massachusetts

After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.

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(508): After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well. http://tfl.nu/5wox

Replies (11) Good night (3526) Bad night (956)
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(614): View more from Ohio

God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.

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(614): God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend. http://tfl.nu/1ak5

Replies (9) Good night (1744) Bad night (763)
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(617): View more from Massachusetts

You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy

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(617): You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy http://tfl.nu/irre

Replies (8) Good night (976) Bad night (2716)
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(740): View more from Ohio

Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.

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(740): Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake. http://tfl.nu/l7w3

Replies (6) Good night (766) Bad night (1719)
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(262): View more from Wisconsin

I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair

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(262): I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair http://tfl.nu/3k67

Replies (3) Good night (1031) Bad night (718)
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(586): View more from Michigan

Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.

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(586): Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband. http://tfl.nu/u4p0

Replies (3) Good night (3291) Bad night (596)
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(443): View more from Maryland

Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things

(1-443): View more from Maryland

Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.

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(443): Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things (1-443): Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit. http://tfl.nu/9byp

Replies (2) Good night (403) Bad night (808)
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(616): View more from Michigan

Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?

(1-616): View more from Michigan

I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.

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(616): Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries? (1-616): I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex. http://tfl.nu/oahp

Replies (5) Good night (1005) Bad night (329)
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(857): View more from Massachusetts

His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.

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(857): His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time. http://tfl.nu/a23u

Replies (3) Good night (747) Bad night (329)
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(+61): View more from Australia

It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby

(1+61): View more from

Yah. Thai people are way too trusting

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(+61): It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby (1+61): Yah. Thai people are way too trusting http://tfl.nu/j4hl

Replies (1) Good night (745) Bad night (454)
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(215): View more from Pennsylvania

i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out

(1-215): View more from Pennsylvania

you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..

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(215): i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out (1-215): you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night.. http://tfl.nu/3w68

Replies (4) Good night (367) Bad night (1009)
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(562): View more from California

Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?

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(562): Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream? http://tfl.nu/nras

Replies (1) Good night (718) Bad night (262)

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