I accidentally had phone sex last night
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
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the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
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I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill