How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
23 Bisexuals Confess The Biggest Differences Between Dating People Of Each Sex
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
These 25 Ruthless Teachers Embarrassed Their Students
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Randomize
