when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
