the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Randomize
