i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
