There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Randomize
