I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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