Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
