dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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