They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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